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The Human Centipede

edited December 2010 in Movie Discussion

I had no idea what this movie was about, going into it, and, there’s a feminine voice in me somewhere that said “this was a horrible mistake” when I figured out just how this ‘human centipede’ was made. Of course, the sick demented horror fan in me immediately squelched all that sissy-girly stuff, and I sat, riveted in my seat while a crazy German doctor kidnapped a fat trucker while he was shitting in the woods. From there on out, the film struck me as a rather poignant comment on the perversity of Germans. Most reviewers seem to have lept immediately to ‘Nazi’ type conclusions.

Sure, you can use that, or the Internet literate of us, on the other hand, who joke about Germans being especially into ‘shiza videos’. Shiza does not actually mean shit, it’s a made-up word. But according to Internet lore, Germans like sexual scat videos, the more ‘shiza’ the better. The good German doctor is an expert in surgically removing conjoined twins, but he’d like to be more of a creator really. So he started experimenting with dogs, and finally, moved on to people. Somehow, I have to actually get the plot of the film -out-, and trust me, it’s difficult. The girly voice is insisting on silence. But all right, here goes:

The doctor’s ultimate goal is to create a human centipede; three humans connected mouth to anus. The guy in front has it the easiest; the two girls behind him on the other hand, not so much. If you think you’re freaking out, you should have seen the looks on their faces when he gave them his orientation, completely with charming little stick figure drawings, and representations of his plans.

Of course, the full view of the centipede on completion is pretty bad, but nothing compared to the ‘natural’ biological functions that take place. You know, how people generally warn others with weak stomachs away from horror movies? Well, trust me, that kind of stuff is a trip to Disney World in comparison. So with all sincerity, really, truly, if you have a weak stomach, don’t watch this. You’ll probably puke. But if you’re a true fan of the utterly disturbing, you’ll enjoy it about as much as the family of four driving extra-slow past that big four-car pile-up. What are they exploiting? German perversion; Nazi experiments; extremely unhygienic fetishes.
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